Here are 8 fortune cookies from The Typewriter ‘political pastry chefs’ which might be more accurate that the usual ones you receive after a Chinese dinner in a non-Asian country.
Spoiler Alert: The AMERICANS invented fortune cookies, this biscuity fortune telling device has never been a part of traditional Chinese culture, but I digress. That being said, some of these predicts are meant to be serious, whilst others are meant to be funny (which one is which, I’ll let you decide)
You remember how every year Google realises these super slick Zeitgeist videos as a compilation of the years’ top search? I predict that no matter how well Mr. Trump will be doing in the coming few months, he will win the top searched item award on Google (if there is ever an award for this kind of achievement). Why? People who hate him will use Google to look him up, as so will people who love him.
Why are there over 16 GOP Presidential Candidates at the beginning of the race? The same reason why there still will be at least 10 staying in the race in 2016: Money. A candidate with nearly 0% popularity on the polls can still keep their campaign going because of the Citizens United ruling that allows multiple bucket-loads of cash going to a candidate’s way. People might not be suspending their campaign even when no one likes them, but they will have to suspend the campaign when they run out of hard cold cash.
Need I further explain on this one? Nope.
Diplomatic relations means possible future open trade deals. Even with the embargo, Cuban cigars are already making everyone a lot of money, imagine life as a Cuban Cigar wholesaler when economic ties are going to be further strengthened in 2016.
5. North Korea
Kim jong Un will be branded the doctor of the world and the saviour of humanity. Why? Because what else is there left for him to ‘invent’ after during HIV/AIDS with nothing but his wits (and his propaganda office).
Seems like no one (Australians or non-Australians) only pay attention to Australian politics when a ‘House-of-Cards’ political manoeuvre takes place. Luckily for those who treat it like a bloodsport, this happens quite often for the past few years.
In short, Shinzo Abe might have exhausted his political capital and voter support after forcing the defence security provisions onto the legislature early this month.
8. USA! USA! USA! USA!
This is the one and only prediction that we are immensely confident with. No matter what happens to global politics, the global climate or even the global market. The world’s #1 sport (according to many ‘Murican commentators) will be won by an American team, for obvious reasons.